DISCLAIMER: this blog is mine & mine alone. Thou shalt not blame family nor friends nor employer for what you may read here.
Today
So it's Saturday, up earlier than expected - and hoped for. Once my mind gets going it's hard to shut it off, or mute it so that I can rest peacefully. Wish I could turn this damn thing off sometimes. Wish I could just unplug it kinda like the ethernet from my cable modem, stop all data transfer. Had a lot on my mind lately, and once the conscious takes over, that's it. Asleep & dreaming is about the only time I can find peace as of late, and even then dreams occur, only to be recalled & thus add more fuel to the fire.
Life is good, yet there's so much going on: job, house, the holidays, other unresolved issues, ay carumba. I almost wish I could grab the Universal Remote of Life & fast forward thru til, oh say, February or so. I don't wanna wish my life away, nor do I wanna miss out on the good & not-so-good, but still...
Make up your mind...
One thing that drives me nuckin' futs is indecisiveness. I can't be too critical, as I end up a hypocrite. When wandering thru the grocery store I have a hard time figuring out what I wanna eat for the week, what sounds good. Which movie get from Hollywood Video or record on the DVR. I guess when it comes to relatively trivial things like that indecisiveness is relatively harmless. But when it comes to bigger more pivotal issues, you gotta make up your mind & go w/it. Can't flip-flop when it comes to big things like jobs, moving, life choices, etc. I'm not sure who said it, but someone said "failing to prepare is preparing to fail". Pretty true in many ways. If you fail to look ahead, knowing yourself truly & wholly and what you want, and take steps to achieve that, acquire/attain it, or make it happen, you'll fail. Can't live your life in the future, you gotta enjoy each day, each moment that you're given, but by the same token if you don't take steps to get what you want, or where you want, you'll never get it, get there, and often opportunities will pass you by due to lack of planning & indecision. I'm not one of those people that can answer the common "where do you see yourself in five years" interview question, but I can see six months, a year out.
Honesty
Is omission lying, a breach of honesty? Outright lying is obvious misconduct, but what about omission? What about misrepresentation? I think the latter two cases are dishonesty (omission & misreperesentation), and almost nothing bothers me more. I know a lot of people lie or omit details in order to spare another's feelings. In the vein of being honest I'd have to admit I've been guilty of that myself in the past. But more & more the whole truth & nothing but the truth is of the utmost importance. Being hurtful & caustic is just mean, but speaking the truth even if it hurts feelings or causes disappointment is better than deceit.
On the lighter side
My Tampa Bay Bucs are playoff-bound (knocking on wood w/one hand as I type w/the other), which is pretty damn cool after losing more than they won by a 1:3 ratio last year. I've gotten to see some games this year at the stadium, and have bucked up for playoff tickets, so early next year I'll get to see my first NFL playoff game live. And next year it'll be a full regular season slate, and I cannot wait!
I wish I could be as good a person as my dogs are. Dogs love unconditionally, and forgive in a hurry. No matter how shitty my mood is, my dogs love me & are happy to see me. Dogs love their human companions more than they love themselves, which is a rarity among any living being regardless of species. A co-worker of mine sent a long list of dog-related quotes and/or philosophies, some of which I'll post here sometime. One quote was (more or less): "you can take a dog in, feed him, love him, make him successful; he'll be appreciative, love you & won't bite you. That's the primary difference between dog and man." Another: "dogs aren't our whole lives, but they make our lives whole". True dat...
Forgive & Forget
That was the title of an old TV show (late 90's) hosted by Mother Love. A person/someone w/an unresolved conflict would come on the show, tell their story, and the offender or subject of their angst would ask for forgiveness. The offended had the choice to forgive them, or forget it. I try to forgive those that've crossed me or wronged me, but I never forget. That's part of being a Scorpio, and probably human in general. It's hard to let past wrongs go sometimes, and even move on w/out apology or penitence. But it's also self-destructive to let these things eat at you & consume you. At some point you have to let go, which is something I need to work on. Forgiveness is hard, but I can do it when I really try. But forgetting, huh-uh. Never. That's a challenge when someone who's hurt you or done you wrong in the past comes back & wants to be a part of your life again. Whattya do? I struggle w/that on a regular basis. I guess you have to come to your own conclusions, reach some end that makes you comfortable, achieve or strive for some sort of peace. After all, what's past is past, done is done & cannot be changed. Maybe you forgive, maybe you forget (or erase people/places/things/events from memory)...
Well, my fingers are tired (the keyboard keys are stiff, and after being on a PC 37.5 hours each week, I typically tire of typing temporarily), so it's time to close off. Take care, do your best, live life honestly & w/fore-thought, and decisiveness.
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