Comments made under your breath are best kept to yourself

DISCLAIMER: this blog is mine & mine alone. Thou shalt not blame family nor friends nor employer for what you may read here.

OK, so I had a long-ass day at work yesterday. Got into the office before 7:30am, left around 7:15pm. That makes for almost 12 hours (more if you include the commute), and one tired Brian. I leave work & decide to stop by the liquor store on my way home to pick up a bottle of - big shocker - vodka for the weekend. I swing into the parking lot and slot myself into the first open parking spot at what was probably a faster-than-normal speed, but absolutely under control. No squealing tires, no thundering music.

As I swung in three people were walking from the adjacent grocery store to their car. I know it was a woman in her late 20's to early 30's, her elementary school-aged daughter, and one other person. As I exit my car & walk past them, I hear the mother saying "that's somebody who's driving way too fast & just has to get to the liquor store". She said it in such a tone that the comment was made to someone in her party, but obviously said loud enough for me to overhear, and I'm sure was intended.

I almost turned around & popped off back at her, but just did my thing & ignored the snide remark. Yes, she & her pack were walking in the parking lot. But they had not even reached the row of cars as I swung into the row & hit my mark. Like I said: no squealing tires or stunt driving on my behalf in the lot, let alone a near car-human impact w/a member of her party, or anyone else for that matter.

As I heard her comment, I had the urge to turn around & advise her to shut the fuck up, and keep her suppositions on why I was in a hurry, commentary on my driving and what I was doing to her fat fucking self. But being tired as I was, I passed.

I had a similar experience a couple of months ago at a Target store near me. My mom is in town visiting, and we pick up a few things at Target. To paint the picture: this Target has two tiers of checkout registers. A register in the second tier, closest to the entry/exit doors, is open, so my mom & I pass a family checking out at a register in the first tier. The matron of this crew left their cart right in the middle of the checkout aisle, so as my mom passes the cart to reach our checkout register, she accidentally bumps an unwieldy item (mop or broom handle) sticking outta the cart, and the cart nudges the other woman.

Well, the other woman starts making smart comments about not having the courtesy to say "excuse me". And not just one comment, but she goes on. And on. Again, these comments were made to the others in her party, but clearly meant for us to overhear. In this instance, I didn't keep my mouth shut, and let the woman know that such contact wouldn't occur if she could keep her goddamn cart outta the middle of the aisle. The woman tries to shoot back at me about manners, and I let her know she was outta line, needs to watch her shit, and keep her mouth shut when she's not mindful of her space, and hindering others. Let me note that this was a fairly large woman, and it would've been comically correct for me to note that her skill of being mindful of large objects in small spaces, and proximity to others, should be well-practiced based on her girth, but I didn't go there.

Now that I think if of it, I've had a third incident in the past year or so like this. I stop by the grocery store to pick up a couple of things, and therefore am carrying one of handheld baskets, if anything. I'm making my way w/purpose through the aisles, i.e. walking faster than most other shoppers, passing people as I get my stuff. One mindless, unaware twit left her cart in the middle of an aisle, in everyone's way. She's scanning the pickles or olives, something in the condiment aisle, oblivious to those I just passed who are kinda eyeing her impatiently, wishing they could get around her cart (had she positioned it to one side of the aisle), and those behind her thinking the very same thing.

As I approach I nudge the nose of her cart to one side to facilitate my progress. Mind you, when I moved her cart slightly, it did not touch her, the display shelves, or any other shopper. And what do I hear? "Well excuse you." Being focused on getting my shit & getting the fuck outta Dodge, I said nothing & kept walking. In hindsight, I should said something to the effect "if you don't leave your fucking cart in the middle of the aisle I don't have to move it". Or, more civilly, "no, excuse YOU".

So, my advice is this: refrain from making the under-your-breath-but-meant-to-be-heard comments to yourself, especially when you're in the wrong, as all three of these people or groups were. First, you look like an ass for talking smack to someone else when you're clearly in the wrong. Second, the person/people you smart off to may not be as nice as I am. I only talked back to one person, but know I would have been (or was) justified to bring verbal smack-down on all three. What's more, in the era of fly-off-the-handle, split-second reactions of some people (see: road rage), someone may decide to physically bring the smack down & pop you in the fucking mouth, if not worse. The farthest I'll ever go is verbally confront someone, but many others lack this degree of self-control.

I was raised w/a high degree of civility, manners, and politeness. If I absent-mindedly leave my cart in the aisle while shopping at any store, and it subsequently blocks another shopper, I say "excuse me", and apologize. Not a flowery, exaggerated apology; short, but sincere none the less. I don't blame the other person for my mistake. When did that kinda common courtesy go out of style? Instead, we say "excuse you", and blame the other person, the one being hindered? What. The. Fuck.

In closing: please watch your carts (and your personal selves) when navigating public space. And if you block another person, apologize, then get on with your life. But keep your mouth shut. If you really feel the need to open your piehole, speak directly to someone, don't pull the chickenshit maneuvers as I've described above. If you're adult enough to make a comment about another manners or behavior (or lack thereof), be adult enough to speak directly with or to the person that you think has offended you, don't pull the under-your-breath discreet-yet-directly-obvious bullshit. Fair warning: if you try this tactic on me I'll call you on it, in a heartbeat, and might do the same even if witnessing it third party.