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Fuckin' hell...
It's been a helluva weekend, and not necessarily in the best sense. Sunday night finds me totally drained. Not so much physically, tho sound sleep has eluded me, but mentally & emotionally ravaged. I've def. been thru the ringer, and am almost looking forward to going to work tomorrow. How fuckin' twisted it that?! I find myself coming out of a state of flux & entering a transitional phase in a very personal way. And no, I'm not undergoing a sex change ya sickos!
But it's hard, it's tough, and I'm getting by pretty much on my own inner strength & resolve, the wise counsel of my one close friend, and the support of my other three friends. Yes, it's sad, I count less than a half-dozen people I'd call friends, but that's what it is. I'm filled w/disappointment, disillusionment, anger, and feelings of betrayal. But I see two choices: let it consume me & be the focus of all waking moments, or let it go & look forward. All that's done is done, the past cannot be changed, and wrongs righted. So I'm trying to learn the hard lessons & take 'em to heart, to never be forgot, and hopefully - in retrospect - recognize foreboding signs & remember them so as to not repeat the same events again. I believe that holding on to the angst & letting it be a part of my daily existence now, having the negative impact on my psyche that it might/can/does will only hinder my chances of having a better tomorrow & getting on w/the show.
But it's taken it's toll, what a former best friend & I would call "energy suckage", and I find myself almost hungover, tho not from overindulgence in spirits. But tomorrow'a a new day, a start to a new week and - as cliche as it is - the first day of the rest of my life. I hope that noone else has had a weekend like this, and that tomorrow treats you right. Time to chill w/my puppies, enjoy the warm Florida night, and let it all slide away...
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