The Joy of Being Single

DISCLAIMER: this blog is mine & mine alone. Thou shalt not blame family nor friends nor employer for what you may read here.


It's been a while since I've blogged, long overdue.  I've been blogging in a way, more like micro-blogging via Twitter.  I was really skeptical about Twitter to begin with, but I've found it's usefulness to me: just shooting out the random little thoughts that occur to me during the day.  I don't have a particular slant or purpose (other than to entertain) nor a specific theme I Tweet about, I just let it go.  But as much as I enjoy it I know I need to blog more & concentrate on writing a piece on a singular theme.  So that's why I'm back.


Anyway, on to the theme of being single.  I guess this came to me as Valentine's Day is a couple of days away, and well, I'm single.  I'm not a hater single with an axe to grind against happy couples.  That's not me by any stretch.  I'm single, and am very happy being so.  With the exception of one three-month relationship in '09, I've been single since July '07 (or maybe earlier depending on when you peg the end of my last relationship).


There's a vast, important difference between being alone and being lonely.  I'm the former, certainly not the latter.  I've come to like being on my own, and aside from work & civil law, really being accountable to no one but myself.  Three days a week I make an appearance at the office, sit in my bunker (cube), and socialize with my co-workers, some of whom I consider true friends. I come home & connect with friends via Facebook, and with other people via Twitter.  So while I live alone, I'm not really 'alone', and I'm a far cry from lonely.  


For one, I have two dogs who generously allow me to share their house.  My dogs are great companions.  I got my first dog Kaya in '98, when she was 8 weeks old.  

At that time I had two roommates, and even living with them & having a very active social life, she still became a great friend, a great partner.  I mention this just to put to rest any premature diagnosis of "another single guy overly attached to his pets & using them to compensate for lack of a relationship".  But for those who have shared their lives with companion animals, you understand what I'm saying & where I'm going. 

So I have my dogs, and I have face time with my friends at work.  I have the Bay Area MINI owners too, who are a great group.  I have regular, healthy contact with my family.  So with all this, yeah I'm alone, but I'm certainly not lonely.  In fact, there are days that I cannot wait to get home to the peace & quiet of my own home, enjoy & fill my own space but get away from Everyone Else.  

I think it's healthy to have time by yourself.  I'm highly suspicious of people that hop from one relationship to the next without time to breathe in between.  If I meet a woman like that or sense that pattern, I'm downright wary if not heading the opposite direction.  Everyone needs to spend sometime on their own.  Give you a chance to get to know yourself, to like yourself & love yourself.  It's kinda true that you have to reach that level f & have that ability before you can really do the same for another.  

And of course being single means being totally in control of your schedule.  That's an obvious one, I'll admit.  But it's true.  I eat when I want, watch what I want on TV, spend as much time on the computer as I want.  I dress how I want, stay up as late or get up as early as I want.  In the car it's my choice of music, and as loud as I fucking want it. It's Freedom.  And it's nice.  I spent 8+ years of my life committed to one woman & her two sons.  I worked for them, provided for them, subjugated my wants for them, supported them, and in essence lived my life for them.  Except for the moronic financial decisions I made as part of that couple & the aftershock of said calamity, I don't regret it.  It's totally giving yourself to another or others.  But on the flip side I realize I lost a lot of myself.  Brian the individual didn't really exist as such.  In that sense it wasn't the healthiest of relationships, but that's not what this post is all about.  

I realized after I physically left that relationship how much I gave, and how much (of me) I had lost.  All that has been rediscovered over the past 3.5 years.  Currently I answer to my boss, my family, my dogs, and that sense of what I consider to be Right.  I could call it God, or my calling to be a good world citizen, or simply my conscience, but it all results in the same behavior.  I'm a much more diverse person today as compared to who I was in July '07.  

After going through all of that I have a new perspective on life, and on relationships.  I know that you really need someone that complements you and can be part of your life, not your whole life.  A relationship should be a Want, not a Need. 

It took me a long time to get to where I am now, but I guess it was a journey that had to be taken.  I'm 41, but I don't stress about getting married or having kids of my own.  If it happens, it happens, and it's meant to be.  If it doesn't, it doesn't.  I've come to learn that all things happen when the time is right, when it's supposed to.  I try to take care of myself, and deliver what's expected to those to whom I'm accountable, and to Live Right.  But beyond that I don't sweat it, I don't get antsy or anxious about being alone.  I'm confident it'll happen - I'll find the next relationship - when the time is right for me and for whomever the future woman might be.  

I hope that you can feel the same if you're not in a relationship.  And if you are, make sure it's balanced & healthy, and that you are yourself, and true to yourself.  

My Obsession (well, just one of 'em anyway)

DISCLAIMER: this blog is mine & mine alone. Thou shalt not blame family nor friends nor employer for what you may read here.


I'm just gonna come right out & say it: I have an unhealthy attachment to my car.  Just so you're not surprised, I refer to my car as "her", "she", and by her name: Ruffian.  Yes, I named my car.  Hey, I warned you about this two sentences ago.


I brought her home on Sept. 25, 2010.  She, Ruffian, is a 2006 MINI Cooper S.  6-speed manual transmission.  British Racing Green with white mirrors & roof.  She is as almost as decked-out as you can order a MINI, she is special, and she is mine.  Here she is:

The above photo is Ruffian's current state.  Below is a photo taken by Boca Ciega Bay on the day I brought her home.

The only real difference is that I removed the factory bonnet stripes, and had some custom stripes installed on the bonnet & boot.  That's hood and trunk, respectively, for the uninitiated.  Speaking of which...the MINI (for those who don't know) is a hybrid of German & British engineering.  The interior & exterior style belie the English roots of the original MINI, and the current cars (or at least mine) are assembled in Oxford, England.  But as MINI is now owned by BMW, some of the mechanical workings & inner components are German.  A word of advice: don't ever try to convince a MINI owner that their car is German, you'll be causing offense (or "offence").

Anyway, this car is my dream car (or one of 'em), and that somewhat fuels my attachment.  See, like many other people, I daydream about winning the lottery.  Ever since I saw MINI Coopers reappear stateside back in '02 or so, I wanted one.  So I thought, as I sometimes do, if I hit the big money, what would I do, what would I buy?  Yeah, Ferrari is at the top of the list, but I thought "my family would think I'm way over-the-top" if I ever bought an F-car, even if I could afford one.  And shit, as a daily driver?  Fun, but not wholly practical, and I'd be so worried about dings & getting keyed I think some of the thrill would actually be paranoia.  And let's be real, the odds of winning the lottery are like the odds of finding a reasonable, sane , Republican.  So, figuring what kinda income I'll have & what my expenses & priorities are, I figured that a MINI Cooper would be a realistic dream car, something I'd have a decent shot at actually owning some day.  

My car is used, which means that someone else took the hit of depreciation.  My baby had <30,000 miles when I brought her home, so with an average of 7500 miles/year, she's been gently owned.  I had initial plans to buy new, and get a long-term loan (5 yrs), and spec out a modest new car.  

A family member suggested I think about a used car, which did - and does - make a lot of sense in so many ways.  So I started looking, and voila, found this beauty over in Brandon.  On the surface, from what I learned via the online add, this car was all I was looking for, and then some.  She's an S, which means this baby has a supercharged engine.  She has the MINI sport package (better suspension, fog lights) and the premium package (sunroof & some other goodies), and a convenience package (integrated universal garage door opener, rain-sensing wipers, auto-on headlights), and special order wheels.  She also has a two-tone leather interior, Xenon headlights, and an iPod adapter (factory).  Ordering my own car, I could never have afforded leather, the third package, nor the iPod adapter.  But buying used, I got all I had hoped for, and much much more.  My first thoughts were to get a black car, but BRG (Brit. Racing Grn) was in my top 3 of favorite colors.  The BRG is just a perfect color for a MINI, given the nationality & racing heritage, a properly spec'd car inside & out.  So you can see why I think this car is my dream car.

In addition, Ruffian is an R53: the "first gen" build of the S, which ran from '02 - '06.  This being said, I have a supercharger instead of a turbo charger, and I have a lovely burbling, rumbling exhaust note when I decelerate.  I also hear the fantastic whine of the SC when it spools up around 3000 RPMs.  This car is an auditory and visual delight.  And then you drive the fucking thing.  

See, the common first reaction to a MINI is "gee, isn't that a cute car?!", or some use the adjective "adorable".  While the styling is unique, and very pleasing to my eye, I'll cede that it does have elements of the other two descriptors.  But don't be fooled, this car is a beast.  Auto reviewers say it has go-kart handling, and it sure does. This car corners as if it rides on rails.  And the take-off of this car is impressive.  I don't condone reckless driving, and excessive speeds should really be limited to a track or closed course, but I'll admit I have hit triple digit speeds in my MINI, just to see how it would feel, how she'd handle it.  Well, the results were 1) rock solid and 2) famously well.  This car is just stuck to the road (hence its popularity in autocross).  But it also has plenty of giddyup.  

I learned this as I brought the car home.  I endured ten minutes of suburban driving to leave the dealership & get outta Brandon, hitting the interstate thereafter.  I took I-4 north to 75 west to 275 south to get home - a nice stretch of higher speed driving.  As I hit the on ramp I accelerated & shifted through the gears: 3rd, 4th, 5th, just waiting for some indication that the car was happy at a certain speed.  But nope, she just kept pulling, and pulling, and pulling.  MINIs have a great top end, and the torque exists throughout a wide range of RPMs.  Shit, they really start to come alive, and the fun really begins at 4K revs.  I was really expecting some sign from the car that we'd hit a happy cruising speed.  My old Camry could handle 80+, but was really happy at about 70-75.  As I've found out, this car makes 100 feel very comfortable, very manageable, and it's very clear there's more there.  

One of the first thoughts I remember was "holy shit, she likes to run, just like a thoroughbred."  So immediately I knew the car was a "she", and she seemed like a racehorse charging out of the gates, going faster.  Faster.  Faster.  So after a quick ride home that had me smiling from ear to ear I started searching for famous/legendary thoroughbred fillies.  And found about about Ruffian, a racer from the '70s.  Ruffian won an ungodly number of races, and lost only her late one (during which she broke her leg), and never raced again. But, according to the knowledgeable fans of the sport, Ruffian is widely considered to be the best, most famous, renowned female racing horse in history.  And hence the name was given, and it seems to fit.

My unhealthy attachment to my car, to Ruffian, causes me to say goodnight to her before I go to bed. Yes, I stick my head in the garage & tell my car goodnight, and to sleep well.  When I'm at work I walk by the doors just to peek out at the parking lot.  Not so uncommonly, I park farther away from store entrances so as to avoid other cars & wide-swinging doors that can so carelessly mar a nearby vehicle.  As Ruffian is my baby, my dream car, I certainly have taken more interest in her appearance.  In retrospect, I almost feel like I neglected my previous cars, as they never got the amount of attention Ruffian does.  It could be the new car honeymoon, but I doubt it.  The two hours I spend every other week or so caring for her is so worth it, and I feel bad when she's dirty & I don't have a chance to clean her up.  I have an 11 step regimen I go through to clean her inside & out, from washing to spray waxing, from cleaning the wheels to applying tire black & a light coat of spray wax to prevent brake dust from sticking.  She gets vacuumed, interior dusted, the whole nine yards.  And my girl, she deserves it, and looks great for it.  Ruffian has been & will continue to be a daily driver, and yes, being four years old she has some rock chips in her hood.  But no dents, no major scratches.  And I intend to keep her looking this way, as close to new as I can.  And to that end the cleaning is well worth the time, and the money spent on supplies to keep my car looking her best.  

I know when I drive Ruffian I have something unique.  MINIs are obviously not "belly button cars" (everybody has one), this is no Mustang or Nissan Altima or Acura.  The styling, the performance, the driving experience are all different when you drive a MINI.  In fact, you don't "drive", you motor. ; )  You have a boot instead of a trunk, and a bonnet instead of a hood.  You have a helluva lot of fun driving anywhere & everywhere, and a special feeling you get from few other cars.  Many people who truly love cars & really love to drive, and have the money for the really upper end shit (Ferrari, Porsche, Maserati, etc.) have MINIs for daily drivers & as part of their stables.  So, if it's good enough for that crowd, it's surely good enough for me, and worthy of anyone & everyone's respect, and my obsession.   

So that's it.  I've come clean & 'fessed up to being a car freak.  Maybe not a total gearhead, but something of a speed freak, and certainly attached at the hip, and in spirit, to my car, my MINI, my girl, Ruffian.

Long Overdue

DISCLAIMER: this blog is mine & mine alone. Thou shalt not blame family nor friends nor employer for what you may read here.


It's been a long, long time since I've posted.  If anyone was ever following me before, I'm sure they aren't now out of disinterest due to my inactivity, and I can't/couldn't blame 'em.  One of my new changes of habit will be to keep up more regularly on my blogging if for no other reason than it's cathartic & a good way to flush the mental pipes, drain my brain now & then.


So, the random matters I've been ruminating on lately:


* We have a really beautiful planet, and it's a shame if we continue to ruin it.  I was enjoying a brisk, windy day on Indian Rocks Beach just before sunset, spacing out listening to the waves, watching the birds flit about the water line when this came to me.  As the top of the food chain & having the largest, harshest impact on our environment, we really need to do a better job taking care of it.


* We as a country need to take one deep breath & one big step forward, and finally legalize pot.  Prohibition just does not work, haven't we learned that once already?  We need to take advantage of the financial gains to be had,  and get w/the times, not to mention probably see a decrease in the drug cartel violence along the Mexican border.  


* Christmas really is a pretty cool season.  This being the beginning of the second year in my house I put up a Christmas tree (artificial & pre-lit to be straight), and some lights outside the house.  Even though there's no snow - and not bitching in the least - the decor makes it feel more Winterish & Christmas-y.  (Fuck, did I really just use that word?!)  No matter what, I'm enjoying it.


* I hate to work.  I pretty much like my job, I'll admit, and I really like the people I work with.  It's just that I hate to work, living by someone else's schedule.  Not only that, but I don't think I'm taking advantage of all my talent, and feel like I'm meant for something more, something bigger.  In the meantime I am challenged at my job; I can't say I've ever really been totally bored.  I make a decent living at a decent company, and get some good benefits.  So, I have to work for someone/something else, I think I've got it pretty good as it stands.


* I got a little envelope from Bonefish Grill in the mail this weekend.  Inside was a gift card for $10, and a CD of some unknown (at least to me) artists, up & comers so to speak.  I thought that was pretty cool.  I did BFG & will go up for a pint or two & some Bang Bang shrimp soon, and the CD has 9 or so pretty good songs.  I like hearing new music, and I thought it was cool that Bonefish did this.  I'm already a fan of the place & the food, but this just kinda made me like them even moreso.


Alright, so I think that's it for now.  I don't wanna ramble on too much w/o having some clear idea of where I'm heading or what I'm writing, so I'll wrap.  But I think this is something I need to get back to, and will have to make a more concerted effort to do so.  Ciao for now.