Life in 140 Characters or Less

DISCLAIMER: this blog is mine & mine alone. Thou shalt not blame family nor friends nor employer for what you may read here.  Also, today I'm writing naked, in honor of SL.


Confession: I have yet another habit which has now become a vice of sorts, just another to add to the long & distinguished (or is it disturbing) list.  Twitter.  #Srsly. I'm fully aware that in my "Joy of Being Single" post I referred to a budding use of Twitter, but at that point I was rubbing sticks together.  Now I'm wielding a flame thrower, and am one among a cabal of sorts.


Like most everyone else in the social networking slice of the interweb I started on MySpace years ago, and eventually migrated to Facebook.  I signed up for Twitter in '09 but didn't really start doing anything with it 'til this year.  In the beginning I was the textbook definition of newbie: following celebrities mostly, but spending very little time on the site.  The majority of time I spent social networking was on Facebook.  Sharing pics with friends, making what were in retrospect pretty meaningless, mundane status updates.  But I realized that that's all I was getting back in return.  Endless streams of pixelated projectile diarrhea like "can't wait for hubby to get home", "Junior won his wrestling tournament", "the weather sucks/is gorgeous".   Whatthefuckever.  I edited myself for content due to the audience, but really, what fun is that?  I think I was trying to be kind, figuring that not many people can handle The Truth.  Throw in the fucking constant streams of shitty updates I got from TV shows that I happened to mention I like and Facebook became painful.  Then there's FourSquare.  If I ever see another "I just became the mayor of..." update I'm gonna commit hari kari, and I'm not kidding.


This is the point in the story where our hero has the epic awakening, or maybe just a cartoon light bulb above his head.  And with that, I turned to Twitter.  A couple of weeks I made a tongue-in-cheek tweet about trying to get a few more followers, to equal the number of people I was following.  A tweep that was following me clued me in: follow the *real* people, and you'll 1) get more followers and more importantly 2) get more out of it.  


Let me set the record straight: I think I'm entertaining, I know I'm intelligent but I'm not the type that needs validation from others to know who or what I am.  I don't get an ego boost off of having people follow me.  But still, everyone wants a little feedback, some constructive criticism (or some not so much), am I right?  


So I took my new advice & put it to work.  I started looking at the people my advisor followed, and who followed them.  The beauty of Twitter is that you can get a pretty decent read on a person based on their profile & timeline of tweets & retweets.  And lo & behold, what did I find?  An amazing myriad of other people like me.  Smart, funny, and more than just a little sick & twisted.  Birds of a psychedelic feather have flocked together.  


See, each tweet is 140 characters or less, so people can dispense with the petty bullshit & really share.  What they (and I) share may be scary, but I think it's closer to the real truth than Facebook, and probably even many IRL (In Real Life) or face-to-face relationships.  Yeah, there are some that are just reaching for a retweet or a star for fav tweet, but I'm smart enough to know that the majority are in the same boat I am.  We're all undersexed, self-medicating, cynical, snide, insightful, insulting human beings.  We're all sick of the same stuff: shitty jobs & shittier bosses, annoying neighbors, running out of booze or batteries, and Justin Bieber.  We all cheered when Charlie Sheen went absolute from zero to apeshit at the speed of light.  We all uttered a collective "woah" when the earthquake hit Japan (at least those of us who weren't unconscious).  THESE PEOPLE ARE JUST LIKE ME.  


And isn't that a comfort to say if/when you really find it and can mean it?  Fuckin'-A it is.  I learned I Am Not Alone.  It's common knowledge that most of us only let a small part of our whole personality or character out at a given time, based on where we are & what role we're playing at that time.  I have Employee Brian, Son Brian, Friend Brian, Cousin Brian, yada yada.  You do too.  But none of those roles is Really Me, Brian on 10.  Self-editing yet again based on the audience. But on Twitter, I remove the rev limiter & turn that shit up to 11.  


What you get from me here, and especially on Twitter, is me as I am, pure & unadulterated.  No additives or fillers like the other Brians.  Until Twitter, my head was the only place I found that freedom.  But as much as I like to hear myself think, even my own words bouncing around my head gets old.  So Twitter is where I found a new voice of sorts, and a new outlet.  Like getting out a relationship & being alone, I'm learning new things about myself, and I like what I'm finding.  I hope in a very sincere sense that this latest self-discovery will help me loosen up the reigns if not just be more honest when I play the other roles.  But the big win is that I can finally let it all go.  I'm so constrained in my day-to-day that this freedom is bliss. And it's funny as fuck too.  If you believe that laughter is the best medicine, then Twitter has in effect doubled my dose.  I've known some funny people, but not quite like those I follow on Twitter.  


The beauty of Twitter is the 140 character limit.  I struggle to find time to blog, but Twitter allows me to, in essence, mini-blog throughout the day.  Even though I may not be writing much here, believe me, I'm writing.  I still enjoy my protracted purge-fests like this, but like sex, every once in a while a quickie can be just as good, am I right?  By Twitter's count I've had lots of good quickies lately. ; )   Author's aside: if that's true then why the fuck am I still so horny?  We'll put that away for another time...


Twitter is strangely erotic, and sometimes downright raunchy.  But it's never dull, never fails to leave me laughing & wanting more.  It's good to know there are others out there that think & feel like me.   As much as I've found others who are very much like me, we're also quite diverse, coming from around the world & all angles of the spectrum.  Even though it's cyberspace I can solidly say I like some of these people & consider 'em friends, or friends-in-the-making.  Twitter is the most stimulating conversation you can have with hundreds of your closest friends, near 24x7.  What could be better?


Edit: this next paragraph just came to me & it's too on-point & apropos to omit from this post.
The other gift Twitter gave me is reinforcing the importance of personality & sense of humor.  Experience has revealed that looks bring two people together, but it's what inside that keeps 'em together.  When I meet a woman character & personality are of the utmost import.  Lack of a sense of humor is a deal-breaker.  The women I follow on Twitter are probably sicker, funnier, and more interesting than the men.  If I have to say that they're sexier too you don't know my very well, but what the fuck, there it is.  But it's the words, the attitude that make's them sexy.  You take that away & all you're left with is a shell.  It's almost like Shallow Hal, with Jack Black.  Beauty without brains, character, and humor ends up being pretty boring.


I've also seen how quickly the communal conscience can shift.  We're all now so connected that ideas catch fire & spread quickly.  That's what Twitter is so goddam good at.  I'm all for it, 'cuz I think it makes mobilization of the people faster & more fluid.  The world needs change - including the US in a bad way - and sometimes this requires Revolution; not enough time to wait for Evolution.  As we've seen in Libya, Egypt, Tunisia, Bahrain, Madison, WI., people are getting more involved, being agitated & therefore becoming activated.  Some of the greatest changes in history have started with the groundswell of an idea that grows among the masses via grassroots movements.  Twitter just makes that more possible, and more likely.


To wrap this shit up, there was a time I didn't understand what all the buzz was about Twitter.  But once I jumped in I found the water was warm, and with many others in the same pool - some naked - I don't think I'm getting out any time soon.  

Why is it so hard? That's what she said.

DISCLAIMER: this blog is mine & mine alone. Thou shalt not blame family nor friends nor employer for what you may read here.


I couldn't resist the reference to Michael Scott of The Office.  On a total aside & totally unrelated to what I was originally going to write, I'll be interested to see what this show is like once Steve Carell leaves.


Now back to the regularly scheduled programming.


Like (most) everyone else in the US, I'm getting ready to do my taxes.  I've used Turbo Tax for the past few years, and it works well.  But it begs the question: why is the US tax so fucking complex, so damn hard?  It's like Chinese math.  I'm a college grad, and I consider myself pretty smart, with occasional moments of brilliance.  And even tho I'm a man, I'm pretty good about reading directions.  Especially if said directions will prevent the IRS from giving me a rectal audit.  So with all this going for me, shouldn't it be feasible for me to do my taxes by hand?  Before I bought a house & built some menial investments taxes were easy, 1040EZ or whatever, done by hand, easy peasy.  But now?  I wouldn't dare.  Wouldn't it benefit everyone (save for the IRS) to simplify the tax code?  The Congress could use time spent debating & studying tax codes on other efforts.  Like getting along for one.  We could downsize the IRS & save money in the federal budget.  I guess all the tax prep services like H&R Block would be pretty pissed, CPA's might become extinct (most are boring as shit anyway), and the rich would bitch about not having loopholes to exploit, but I won't cry for them, Argentina.  So I'm all for it.  Implement a flat tax for all & get on with it.


If you haven't seen the show Accidental Genius on the NatGeo channel, you should. Here's the show's web site.
It's a very cool show, and really made me think about the wonder of the human brain, and how little we really know about it.  You should definitely watch the episode about the guy that bonked his head while diving into a swimming pool, and after which he was a musical savant.  I meant to recommend this show cuz it is well-done & provocative, but it's also a segue to (or maybe from) another thought I had.  And that is: how do we wake up with certain songs in our heads?  Five days a week my alarm goes off & I get outta bed.  And somewhere within the first five minutes of being awake, I have a song running through my head.  Often it's a song I haven't heard in quite some time.  It's not like I wake up to the last song I was listening to on my iPod, or some ditty from a TV advert.  So I gotta wonder, where does this come from?  What is it in my brain that recalls this particular song when it does?  Super-duper trivial I know, but it still makes me wonder.


I fuckin' hate to do this, but I'm ending this blog entry....now.  My thoughts just aren't flowing as they should, and putting together something that I think is informative & entertaining is a struggle today.  So before I just spew more bland, perfectly average bullshit, I'm gonna stop.  I'll try better next time, I promise, and hopefully have something more worthwhile & cogent to contribute.

The Joy of Being Single

DISCLAIMER: this blog is mine & mine alone. Thou shalt not blame family nor friends nor employer for what you may read here.


It's been a while since I've blogged, long overdue.  I've been blogging in a way, more like micro-blogging via Twitter.  I was really skeptical about Twitter to begin with, but I've found it's usefulness to me: just shooting out the random little thoughts that occur to me during the day.  I don't have a particular slant or purpose (other than to entertain) nor a specific theme I Tweet about, I just let it go.  But as much as I enjoy it I know I need to blog more & concentrate on writing a piece on a singular theme.  So that's why I'm back.


Anyway, on to the theme of being single.  I guess this came to me as Valentine's Day is a couple of days away, and well, I'm single.  I'm not a hater single with an axe to grind against happy couples.  That's not me by any stretch.  I'm single, and am very happy being so.  With the exception of one three-month relationship in '09, I've been single since July '07 (or maybe earlier depending on when you peg the end of my last relationship).


There's a vast, important difference between being alone and being lonely.  I'm the former, certainly not the latter.  I've come to like being on my own, and aside from work & civil law, really being accountable to no one but myself.  Three days a week I make an appearance at the office, sit in my bunker (cube), and socialize with my co-workers, some of whom I consider true friends. I come home & connect with friends via Facebook, and with other people via Twitter.  So while I live alone, I'm not really 'alone', and I'm a far cry from lonely.  


For one, I have two dogs who generously allow me to share their house.  My dogs are great companions.  I got my first dog Kaya in '98, when she was 8 weeks old.  

At that time I had two roommates, and even living with them & having a very active social life, she still became a great friend, a great partner.  I mention this just to put to rest any premature diagnosis of "another single guy overly attached to his pets & using them to compensate for lack of a relationship".  But for those who have shared their lives with companion animals, you understand what I'm saying & where I'm going. 

So I have my dogs, and I have face time with my friends at work.  I have the Bay Area MINI owners too, who are a great group.  I have regular, healthy contact with my family.  So with all this, yeah I'm alone, but I'm certainly not lonely.  In fact, there are days that I cannot wait to get home to the peace & quiet of my own home, enjoy & fill my own space but get away from Everyone Else.  

I think it's healthy to have time by yourself.  I'm highly suspicious of people that hop from one relationship to the next without time to breathe in between.  If I meet a woman like that or sense that pattern, I'm downright wary if not heading the opposite direction.  Everyone needs to spend sometime on their own.  Give you a chance to get to know yourself, to like yourself & love yourself.  It's kinda true that you have to reach that level f & have that ability before you can really do the same for another.  

And of course being single means being totally in control of your schedule.  That's an obvious one, I'll admit.  But it's true.  I eat when I want, watch what I want on TV, spend as much time on the computer as I want.  I dress how I want, stay up as late or get up as early as I want.  In the car it's my choice of music, and as loud as I fucking want it. It's Freedom.  And it's nice.  I spent 8+ years of my life committed to one woman & her two sons.  I worked for them, provided for them, subjugated my wants for them, supported them, and in essence lived my life for them.  Except for the moronic financial decisions I made as part of that couple & the aftershock of said calamity, I don't regret it.  It's totally giving yourself to another or others.  But on the flip side I realize I lost a lot of myself.  Brian the individual didn't really exist as such.  In that sense it wasn't the healthiest of relationships, but that's not what this post is all about.  

I realized after I physically left that relationship how much I gave, and how much (of me) I had lost.  All that has been rediscovered over the past 3.5 years.  Currently I answer to my boss, my family, my dogs, and that sense of what I consider to be Right.  I could call it God, or my calling to be a good world citizen, or simply my conscience, but it all results in the same behavior.  I'm a much more diverse person today as compared to who I was in July '07.  

After going through all of that I have a new perspective on life, and on relationships.  I know that you really need someone that complements you and can be part of your life, not your whole life.  A relationship should be a Want, not a Need. 

It took me a long time to get to where I am now, but I guess it was a journey that had to be taken.  I'm 41, but I don't stress about getting married or having kids of my own.  If it happens, it happens, and it's meant to be.  If it doesn't, it doesn't.  I've come to learn that all things happen when the time is right, when it's supposed to.  I try to take care of myself, and deliver what's expected to those to whom I'm accountable, and to Live Right.  But beyond that I don't sweat it, I don't get antsy or anxious about being alone.  I'm confident it'll happen - I'll find the next relationship - when the time is right for me and for whomever the future woman might be.  

I hope that you can feel the same if you're not in a relationship.  And if you are, make sure it's balanced & healthy, and that you are yourself, and true to yourself.