Payback, Karma, etc. (Saturday, January 17, 2009 )

DISCLAIMER: this blog is mine & mine alone. Thou shalt not blame family nor friends nor employer for what you may read here.

Just a few thoughts that center around the aforementioned subject:

Paybacks are Hell.

Karma can be a bitch with a really nasty attitude.

Every action has an equal & opposite reaction.

As you do unto others, be prepared from them to do unto you.

What goes around comes around.

If you give it, you damn well better be able to take it.

If you start, you best be able to finish.


Fair Warning Has Been Given.

rummaging 'round relationship relics (Monday, November 24, 2008)

DISCLAIMER: this blog is mine & mine alone. Thou shalt not blame family nor friends nor employer for what you may read here.

I gotta say that this blog post is very different for me. I usually don't get into dating, relationships, topics of that ilk. I run on & on about emotional issues but not relationship-type emotional issues. This is kinda new, to put this side of myself out there. Maybe a bit scary, but also cathartic. Anyway, on we go...

For some reason, as of late, I've been thinking about my past relationships. I don't know what brought this on, cuz I'm not prone to dwelling on the past. I try to take lessons from past experiences & apply them going forward so as to either repeat successes or avoid failures. But by & large, the past is the past; what's done is done ya know? Today & tomorrow are where I focus.

But anyway, in thinking about past relationships, I realize that there's one person w/whom I wish I could have a do-over. There's one person w/whom I had a relationship that didn't end badly; I didn't screw her nor did she screw me. Neither of us had character flaws that made us incompatible, nothing major about one that made the other nuckin' futs. There was no cheating, lying, or other deception. No drastic differences in life goals or wants that made being together impractical.

These are good things, but in sum it lends itself to leaving me asking "why", wondering what I could've done differently (if anything), or what would've made the relationship last beyond mere months. It's kinda hard to put my finger on why the relationship ended. I guess I chalk it up to bad timing in our respective lives. I can't help but wonder what would've happened had we met at a different place & time, some other stage in life.

Of all the women I've dated or been exclusive with, all but one had something that doomed us as a couple. Character flaws or show-stoppers like a lack of integrity or honesty, drastically different oulooks on life, life goals, or other personal issues. In some instances it was my outlook on life or goals, or personal issues, that spelled D-U-N, done. In some cases either myself or my partner subjugated parts of ourselves for the supposed good of the other, but in the end that doesn't work either, just not healthy. But there's this one instance in which none of that occurred, nor was it relevant or applicable. So it's this one person & experience that leaves me asking "what if", or "why".

I've had some relationships end, and immediately thereafter left me asking those questions. But in time I found the answers, and the reasons were clear. Those I'm totally comfortable with, due to some event that brought closure, or the eventual realization that we just didn't go well together. In the end both parties are/were better off not being together. But not this one; I have none of that here.

So whattya do w/this? Just accept it, make peace w/it, and move on? If I abide by tenet of living for today & tomorrow, I guess that's the best approach. Unless Superman comes to life & flies around the Earth fast enough to rewind time, I can't change what was. Sometimes I've had such startling cases of deja vu, that I really wonder if we're not reborn. I don't think we're reborn as cats, or squirrels, or whatever, but I've had to seriously wonder if we're reborn into the same life, w/another chance, until we "get it right". That's how vivid, how real, and in some moments how startlingly real the deja vu has been - that I'd swear I've been "here" and "done that" before (wherever the "here" and whatever the "that" are). But I digress, not getting into religion or spiritual stuff, not this post anyway.

Life is funky, and I s'pose the possibility exists that our paths will meet again, and who knows, maybe we get another shot. I've lived long enough & seen enough to believe that anything is possible. But if not, I guess I resign myself to accepting what was not then, and what IS now. I can't say I'm haunted exactly, but this one has me flummoxed.

I believe strongly in Karma, and to some degree fate & destiny. I think that we're given options along the road of life, but by & large I think there's a path we're kinda meant to follow, and events we're meant to experience, for better or worse. Living by that precept (and accpeting the past for what it is), I should just stop thinking about it, and her, and move along. Mostly I do, and have. But this recent promotion of her memory into my conscious from sub-conscious mind got me on the topic, hence this post.

So anyway, that's that. I think I've thought enough for now, and said what I had to say. It's a picture-perfect November day here in FL, and my mental alarm is going, my mental to-do list is scrolling. Next up: pour a cocktail & cook some fowl over fire. In layman's terms: drink & grill. Have a great Thanksgiving holiday everyone!

A turn of conscience: Brian’s PSA (Sunday, November 23, 2008)

DISCLAIMER: this blog is mine & mine alone. Thou shalt not blame family nor friends nor employer for what you may read here.

Malaise, discontent, call it what you will; something just ain't right within, and with the world. Actually, I feel all right w/myself, moreso than I have for a while. Aside from a few things that are self-correctable, I feel like a world beater right now.

But, I've been thinking a lot more lately than I usually do, which is saying something. I think that a few things are missing from the world we live in, namely Respect, Honor, and Strength. These are tenets or principles that very few seem to live by, or for, today. I'm talking about Respect for the world we live in: our planet, the environment, and each other as individual, sentient beings. Respect for someone else even though that might live differently than you do, practice a different religion, whatever. Honor in doing right, living right, being an honorable or admirable person. Honoring your partner, your family, yourself. The Strength to do right, Live Right. Emotional, mental, intellectual, spiritual strength. There seems to be a dearth of any of the three - let alone all three - characteristics in the world I live in.

Since when did we take The World for granted? When did we lose all respect for all things great & small? When did we lose all regard for the environment, and the planet we inhabit? When did the drive for or pursuit of material wealth surpass everything else in priority or importance? It saddens me, nay sickens me. I DVR'd a show on HDNet the other night about the coral reefs, and how mankind is impacting them. Coral reefs are, in & of themselves, amazing entities. When you realize how much we as humans depend on reefs for so many things, for so many reasons, you realize how valuable they are, and how important it is to minimize our impact on them, and make sure that coral reefs are living, breathing, sustainable resources. The same goes for the rain forest, the polar icecaps. At what point does respect for what we as the human race have been given (and what we should feel obliged to pass on to our children & grandchildren) outweigh our need for material profit?

This nation was founded in large part on the need for individuality. Freedom of speech, freedom of religion. The word "freedom" comes up over & over when talking about the good ol' You Ess of Aay. So when did we stop respecting each other's right to be an individual? To marry whoever you or I want, to live life as we see fit?

Following is a definition of Honor:

a. Principled uprightness of character; personal integrity.

b. A code of integrity, dignity, and pride

If you're the least bit in-tune w/the here & now society, I think you'll see & recognize the seemingly total absence of honor. It's nearly embarrassing to admit the lack of communal code of integrity or principled uprightness that is pervasive in the world today. It seems the socially acceptable code of conduct is to lie, cheat, and steal, and say "fuck the lot" if it's all for personal benefit. The dissolution of social & governmental conscience and concern for one another is, to me, reprehensible. Increasingly scarce is concern for personal & professional or corporate reputation, honor for or of personal relationships. There are so many blatant examples of dishonesty for the sole sake of personal gain, it's overwhelming. Pork barrel spending in the government, sheer & utter disregard for public good by corporate America, in addition to an absence of honor as evinced by individuals in their personal lives each day. How many people honor their country, their partner, their mother and/or father, themselves each day?

When most people hear the word "strength" they think of physical strength. To me, that's the last application of the word that comes to mind. I think of mental strength, intestinal fortitude, strength of character. In my book, Strength is the willingness to Live Right, stand up for the under-privileged, the less fortunate, the balls to do what's right, even thought it's not easy, and probably not popular. The belief in the need to evince the two aforementioned characteristics.

Three of my favorite movies are "300", "Gladiator", and "V for Vendetta". My affection for these movies is the theme woven throughout. In one way or another, all three deal with issues of Respect, Honor, and Strength. Doing what's right & standing on principle, with total disregard for what the consequences might be. I know of only one other person who likes, nay, loves, "V" as I do. And most see "300" and "Gladiator" as blood-soaked, gore-filled flicks. But IMHO those people miss the true point of the movie, and the main characters depicted therein.

I know I'm not perfect - far from it as a matter of fact. I try to be the best person I can/could be. Hopefully I'm better today I was yesterday, and better yet tomorrow. As of late I take to heart "RaSH": Respect (and) Strength, Honor, and ARK ((see my previous blog entries)). I ask of you who read this - or challenge you - to live with those three concepts in mind every day. Your world, my world, Our World, will be better because of it.

On a closing note, one thing about MySpace is that it allows members to see how many blog views are received on a daily or weekly basis - the numbers, but not the who. My group of MySpace friends is pretty small, yet larger than my "real life" circle of close friends. This being said, I note that there are more hits or views of my blog than people I know, especially "real" or individual people-friends. I'm intrigued to know who reads my blog. So if you feel like it, please drop me a message via MySpace, if for no other reason than shits & grins, and to satisfy my curiosity. This is purely to satisfy my own interest; no need to post a public comment unless you're so inclined. It goes w/out saying that I won't post or reveal private messages. Privacy is most obviously maintained by way of Respect & Honor...